“Trick or Treat! Smell my feet, give me something good to eat!” We find ourselves in the middle of the “Spooky Season!” All the ghosts, ghouls, and goblins are gearing up for “All Hallows Eve.” As a kid, it was one of the most exciting nights of the year! Whether you’re going as something terrifying, you’re favorite athlete, or celebrity, the night of playing dress up and pretending appeals to people of all ages.
If the excitement of getting ready, walking around your neighborhood, and causing mischief isn’t enough for you, the best part of the night may be dumping out your pillowcase at the end of the night to sort through the accumulated treasures. Here is a guide for the adults in charge of handing out the treats on Halloween and how to avoid being the “trick” of the neighborhood.
Things to Avoid Passing Out as Treats on Halloween
1. Fruit or Vegetables of Any Kind
This just reminds me of how much I hate the dentist, especially one who lives in the neighborhood. Halloween is all about junk food and candy. There are not many things worse than getting an apple or an orange in your Trick or Treat bag. Kids are often forced to finish their veggies at dinner before they can have dessert. Let them live a little, and give them the sugar they so desire. Yeah, it may not be as healthy as your bruised-up apple you’re trying to get rid of, but hey, you won’t have to deal with them after a few Pixie Sticks.
2. Pennies or Any Loose Change
I can’t believe that at one point this was a thing! Hopefully, this gesture died long ago, but it was a thing back in my day. There was nothing more disappointing than emptying your bag to sort and trade candy, only to see three pennies and a nickel fall out. I’m sorry you didn’t want to roll your change or were too lazy to go to CoinStar, but don’t take it out on the kids. Either keep your eight cents and turn off your porch light or go get some damn candy!
3. A Can of Soda
Don’t get me wrong, I love me some soda, or as my people refer to it, pop. But as a young Trick or Treater, I don’t want a can of soda, which will surely get shaken up during my journey throughout the hood. I remember one year, I received a Diet Pepsi in my bag. Not only was I pissed because it weighed my bag down, but it was also Diet, and to make matters worse, it was way past the expiration date! Sometimes I still have PTSD of this moment and wish I could find the culprit to give them a piece of my mind.
4. A Capri Sun or Any Other Juice Box
This is similar to the can of soda but needs its own category. You wouldn’t pass out a bologna sandwich to a Power Ranger or Captain America, so why hand out a different school lunch item? This is Halloween, not John Adams Elementary school lunch. Stick with treats that kids love, rather than ones that require an adult to punch the straw hole.
5. Loose Candy Corn
I did not stutter. I know, oddly enough, there is a cultlike following for Candy Corn that I simply don’t understand. No matter what you tell me, you will never convince me that loose Candy Corn in a bucket or pillowcase is ever appealing. It’s gross! I don’t know where your hands have been, and now there are threats of lint being on my candy? I’ll pass! Give me something that tastes good and comes in an actual wrapper.
Final Thoughts
Hey, you don’t have to be a Halloween hero, but it doesn’t take much for you to ace your treat game. Stick to the basic candies, and if you want to become legendary, then get the king-sized bars. And yes, kids always know the hot spots to get the best treats each year. So, if you’re worried about receiving the tricks back from the treaters, stick to these guidelines, and hopefully, your night won’t end with getting “silly stringed” or egged.
